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3/25/2005
hitchhiking, revolution, awakening and gratitude
Via mousemusings : The Hitchhikers Guide to the Revolution
People tell me it is really dangerous picking up hitchhikers. But I find it is a way I keep my instincts alive. I train myself to know what is dangerous and what is not. I used to be really good at knowing. I got caught up in the corporate world and lost much of my instincts. That happens when you are told everyday that you know nothing and you should not speak, and they work you so hard you can't feel anything anymore. A couple of years ago the whole thing came apart. I lost my job, my house, my family and my community. I was really disoriented. I lost my place in the world. I lived in my truck. I had to travel a lot to have work and so I started picking up hitchhikers again. At first it was just women. Because I am a woman and I wanted to be safe. But later I got better at reading people. Also "magical" things begin happening.
This is but one excerpt from a long essay about , , and . Please go read it.

It brings up a lot in me. For starters, there's the romanticism of the road, being free and outside "the system." And I'm inside the system. Yes, I'm working for change and ultimately for non-violent revolution. The romanticism makes me feel that I'm not doing enough, that I'm too comfortable, working for the government, owning my own home, living a pretty "secure" life, if such is possible in today's world.

Then, there's the fear. Do I have any instincts left? If everything collapsed today would I be able to make the transition to something new? Something less secure? More free?

As much as I find that my meaning in life is about humanizing the earth, I find I have a really hard time relating with people a lot of the time. Humanizing the earth for me right now is about humanizing myself and humanizing those I come in contact with. And I have my moments of coherence. And my long interludes of floating along with the stream, content to stay asleep, to not confront the fear, to not make friends with my internal enemy.

So thank you Cyndy and Ellen for this possiblity of my awakening for this brief moment.

peace,
ted

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